Cancer Diaries #1

It’s been three months since I promised to blog about this journey. I mean, the plan was to blog every time I had a thought as a way of bringing you along on this journey with me. Well, it didn’t turn out that way. For a few reasons. The first reason is the appointments are constant. I have an outstanding team of medical professionals at MD Anderson here in Texas. However, my treatment plan is aggressive. So I’m quite busy between chemo, follow up appointments, labs and all sorts of things.

The other reasons are even more personal. I have had to fight this cancer diagnosis and the treatment physically AND mentally. The toll all of this takes on your mind is indescribable. First you have to deal with the shock of the diagnosis, a flood of emotions flood you. Astonishment. Denial. Grief. Defeat. Confusion. And a host of others.

Then treatment starts and your body begins to weaken. I began to lose myself a bit as chemotherapy took over my body. The nausea, fatigue, mental confusion, neuropathy, diarrhea… Lord the diarrhea is awful. I seriously began to think I was losing myself with every bowel movement. And in that weakened state your mind tries to drift off into places it really doesn't need to go. For an undisciplined mind, it can get dark really fast.

BUT GOD!

The Bible says that the entrance of His word brings LIGHT. Every time I felt things getting a little heavy and a little dark, the Holy Spirit (the Spirit of Truth), would bring the words of Jesus to my mind and TURN THE LIGHT ON. He never left me. When it got so bad that I couldn’t sense His presence or His peace, He sent His word to be my anchor and to hold me in a place of faith.

I apologize for this being so long. It’s difficult to write about a lot of this while you’re in it.

So while I can write, i want to get some things out of my heart and into yours. I need you to do me a favor: learn from my experience. Don’t let my vulnerability be in vain. Don’t let my posts on social media just be a pacifier for your curiosity about my life. See with the eyes of your heart and dig out the lessons here. God is with you. I’m talking about the same God that is with me during my treatments, the same God that gives me victory over side effects, the same God that is keeping my mind and heart is the same God that is present there with you in your situation. I need you to learn faith, victory and authority while I’m in this this fixed faith fight. Otherwise, all my sharing is in vain.

I love you. I probably don't even know you, but I love you. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for sending me nice texts, comments, and DMs. It means the world to me. Seriously! I’m going to write more. We are coming to the end of this phase of treatment. Which will be followed by scans and surgeries. Believe God with me that chemo will be in my past and not in my future. That the next round of my treatment plan will be a victory lap!

Until next time,

Marcus